Friday, October 16, 2009

The Blagojevich Complex - An Essay

And now, a song.

You're moving too fast for me and,
I can't keep
up
with
you.
Maybe if you
slowed
down
for
me I,
could see you're
only
telling

Lies,
lies,
lies.


Breaking us
down
with your


Lies,
lies,
lies.

When will you learn
......

--

I've discovered something recently. I call it The Blagojevich Complex, in honor of that beloved weirdo with the bad haircut, Governor Rod Blagojevich. I'm hopeful that you'll understand why once I explain it to you.

So, here's today's little piece of insight on human beings.


--


I'm fairly positive that every person in America, and probably several million people outside of America, have heard that age-old excuse for children who didn't do their homework.


"The dog ate it!"


Though the years, I've heard some alternate versions of this, as well.


"My little brother flushed it down the toilet!"


"My mom accidentally used it to line my hamster cage!"


"A gang of Lucha Libr├ęs came and bullied it away from me!"


...Alright, I confess, I made the last one up. But, let's be honest, some kid somewhere probably tried to use that excuse once. But the relevance of my sources isn't the topic.


What I'm trying to get at is, how many kids do you think have ever actually straight-up confessed to their teacher that they really
didn't do their homework? How many times do you think they've actually sucked it up and taken responsibilities for their own actions?

Right. Not many.


But they are just kids, after all. They're only blaming other people to try and stay out of trouble themselves. They're young, and luckily, they still have plenty of time in the future to learn to fess up to the bad things that they've done instead of only laying claim to their successes.


It's when full grown adults are still claiming the dog ate their homework that we're really in trouble.


--


Which brings me back to Blagojevich. Now, if you've spent even the tiniest bit of time following the winding path this man has been taking around the media, you'll at least have a basic outline of the defense he's tried to build for himself. Now, I won't go into details - if you want those, just go look for any of his interviews on YouTube, he says the same things in every one of 'em - but from what I've gathered, his story is, basically, "These people are twisting the facts, these other people forced me into doing such-and-such, and everyone involved but me is guilty." In fact, the only thing he's admitting to is swearing during his phone conversations. Really, Blagojavich? Is that part of the equation so important? I don't think anyone really cares if you threw a few F-bombs around. I think they're more concerned about the fact that it sounds like you
tried to sell a senate seat.

But anyway, Mr. Blagojevich. Ever thought of taking at least a
little bit of responsibility for those actions? Even if you're not guilty of everything they're accusing you of, it seems to me there's some pretty hard evidence that you've been up to something suspicious.

--


Before anyone starts yelling at me, I'm not saying that this is always the case. That there's always someone shifting the blame to people who don't deserve it. To take words out of Blagojevich's own mouth, "What if your friends rob a store, and say that you were with them when they did it? What do you do when you come home, and your father starts yelling at you because he thinks you helped them shoplift when you really has nothing to do with it?" If you get yourself into a situation like that...Well, first of all, you need better friends. But that's beside the point. Theoretically speaking, you could just say "I didn't do it", and hope that your angry father would believe you. But we all know that there's only about a 98.7% chance of that actually working. In a situation like that, there really isn't any choice except to say "they did it".


But you have to admit that there's a big difference between being wrongly accused of shoplifting and, say...Blaming dairy products for your muffin top.


--


To sum it up before I stop making a shred of sense: My fellow Americans, I believe that this country would be a better place if a few more of us decided to grow a pair and take the rightful blame every once in a while.


Thank you for listening.